Remembering

I was feeling a bit off and very light headed this evening. I decided to relax in the bath and actually lit a candle and turned off the lights... haven't really pampered and relaxed like that in I don't know how long.

As I relaxed I started remembering a very vivid dream I had after Mom's accident and I don't think I ever recorded. I think it came back to me after several conversations I had earlier about how my "time off" was during October.

In my dream, I remember being in a crowd of people. Some were familiar faces and others were not but everyone was busy going about their business. Laughing, working, talking and all at a very fast pace. I couldn't keep up with everyone and honestly, I really didn't want to. In my dream I could feel the heaviness of the grief and as I was watching people going about their business I could feel the emotions building up inside me.

I was trying to explain to people my pain, but everyone kept going. Finally I couldn't keep in any longer and started scream crying "How can you people keep doing things, don't you know what happened?" And with that action, everyone stopped and the next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed. The people around me who I knew where helping take care of me. And that was all I really remember.

It has been difficult trying to describe my time off to people. Especially, when all I can tell them is I slept most of the time. But after telling this story several times today, I realized that my time off was very much like my dream. I really needed that time off. And I'm very thankful, I was able to ask and receive the healing that was needed.

Comments

[Mark Peterson]

The weight of your greef... i like that, i've been feeling like

[Laurie]

Mark - are you still seeing someone? I know how hard this is and you and Cat got a double whammy with her mom dying too so soon after Mom. Keep thinking and knowing that Mom would want all of kids happy. She devoted a lot of her life to helping us succeed and be happy. You have a lot of good to give - remember that.